they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
