"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
