Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
