question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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