Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
