So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
