Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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