This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
