Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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