Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
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At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
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moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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