maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
