I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
