I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
