my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
