Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
