i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
