so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
