the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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