he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
