If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
