ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
