I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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