my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
