how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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