My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
