oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
