Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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