Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
