she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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