what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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