I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
...so i touched it.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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