I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize