a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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