Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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