I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize