in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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