it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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