Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
...so i touched it.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
