dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sext me about skeletons
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
