so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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