You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
