oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
