I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
