Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
