I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
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My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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