I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize