i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Blood and glitter go together right?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
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