At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
