dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
