The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
