Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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