I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
