Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
