Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
