i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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