remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
