Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
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I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
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I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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