I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
