So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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