she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
