how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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