about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
