Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
