My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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