I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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