one two three fourrrrnication!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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