somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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