Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Can Purell be used as lube?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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