Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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