I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
